♥.

Monday, May 4, 2009 @ 9:50 PM

And we're lying here but you're somewhere else, I don't wanna see what you don't feel

♪ Elise Estrada - One Last Time 

Okay so, I'm just gonna release my emotions here. I have no idea what to do. Give up on the person I'm falling for, and just try and move on? Or stay as good friends with my feelings lingering around..waiting with hope as every day passes, that he'll feel the same way later on? Is there even a chance for me at all? I don't know what to feel. I'm so annoyed, frustrated and angry. I've been going through a lot of mixed emotions.

Update: You know what, I've had enough of this. So fucking sick of this shit. I mean like, yeah you can't control your feelings for someone and all that ... but why, just why am I always falling for the wrong guy? Nothing ever turns out right for me. And yeah, I guess I just need to find the right person, but still. I always end up hurting myself cause of the guys I choose to fall in love with. I absolutely hate hate hate it! Hate it because I fall for people so easily. Hate it because love is my weakness. I know love isn't simple, but whyyy? Why can't it be simple, why does it cause people so much pain? Why does it cause problems and controversy for everyone if it doesn't turn out right?

I don't hate love. I don't mind falling in love either, but I just hate how it's so painful. I always seem to overthink things. I can't stand it anymore. I'm letting go no matter how long it takes and how hard it is. I'm so fuckinggggg sick of it, fucks sake. I mean like, I really wanted to be with him, and I didn't mind waiting..but since he just wants to be friends, what's the point of even waiting for him anymore? I don't know what's going to happen future wise, things might change, but for now, I can't just keep holding onto him for a long while hoping that things will turn out the way I want them to be, out of the blue. I'm giving up on you, there's no point in even trying to make you feel the way I do, cause you just wanna be friends. Yes, it takes time but I doubt he'll ever feel the same way. I've been so confused, but now, I feel like I know I'm doing the right thing even though a part of me doesn't want to let go. But what's worse? Letting go and getting hurt by it, or holding on and getting hurt along the way? Which is why I'm choosing to let go of this, throw away my feelings for him cause it'll never work out in the end..with this one sided love going on. I try so hard not to break down .. but I always end up crying. It just kinda makes me feel better, really. And ranting on and letting out my emotions on my blog makes me feel better as well.